Mary Chapin Carpenter Song Fic: Only a Dream
by Svonnah-La-Fay
Summary: One of my best song fics detailing life before and after the Hork-Bajir colony, a new version of Rachel's death, much RT romance and angst...


This is one of my **favorite song fics** because of the emotion and power of both the lyrics and the words.

This fic describes the last day the Animorphs had before they went to the Hork-Bajir colony, and how **Rachel **and **Tobias** dealt with that day and being in the colongy.** DOES NOT FOLLOW BOOK STORYLINE.**

** For the firs time every, not meant to be read along to it's original song, cause the sung version is pathetic. But the lyrics are excellent!  
**

Enjoy:**

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**

**Rachel: I can recall the sound of the rain  
As it blew through the trees  
And the trees would bend**

_On our last night:_

He told me how he flew through the sky, trying desperately to beat the water that sprinkled after him. The air slipped through his wings as they fluttered against the heat.

The humidity around him was like little streams of water that had gotten up to dance and forgot they had to be grounded.

**And I can recall the smell of the rain  
On a hot summer night  
Coming through the screen**

(Hey Rach,) He said, flying into my room through the open window, where I sweated, fanning myself with anything I could reach. He landed gracefully on my bed, wings striking the air to balance himself. (I brought you the rain.)

**I'd crawl in your bed when the lightening flashed**

**And I'd still be there when the storm had passed**

I kissed him to the fast-marching tune of the raindrops as they fell. We spooked at the chorus of thunder, and sank together under the finale of light…

**  
Dead to the world till the morning cast   
Light all around your room**

_On our last day:_

I groaned with my soreness and helplessness in the heat of even this early morning, and touched him once more.

"Last time," Tobias said, rubbing my back. "What do you want to do?"

"I'm thinking bubbles."

**We lived on a street where the tall elm shades   
Were as green as the grass  
And as cool as a blade**

We lay on the cold, itchy grass and let the cars go by and blew bubbles up to pop against the sun.

Heads together, talking about things I can't remember.

**  
That you held in your teeth as we lay on our back  
Staring up at the blue  
And the blue staring back**

With the infinity of summer before us, the ridiculous weight of responsibility suspended for the moment with the clouds that had vanished…

**I used to believe we were just like those trees   
We'd grow just as tall and as proud as we pleased  
With our feet on the ground and our arms in the breeze  
Under a sheltering sky **

If things had been different…

"Do you think we'd be here anyway? Together? Planning out graduation and college and the millions of stupid teenage stuff we miss out on?"

"I don't know…do you want to go to the park playground?"

**Twirl me around and twirl me about**

We swirled, backs leaning against each other, on the merry-go-round, letting the world nauseate itself, perhaps to be rid off it's sicknesses…pretending we could be kids again…and pretending that we weren't so old…

**  
Let me grow to see and fall to the ground**

"I'm happy we grew up this way," Tobias whispered to me. "We get to see without having to do…I don't miss it."

"I do. That normal stuff would have been my life. I could have had everything…been popular, gotten good grades, messed up at the parties…but on the other hand…"

"There would have been no me. And I wouldn't have had any of that stuff."

**  
And when I look up at you looking down  
Say it was only a dream **

"We could still have it. If the war ends with this last mission…we could still have it all."

"Do you think we can ever be normal again?"

Tobias sat up and smiled at me.

"Yes. And one day I'll be able to tell you it was only a false memory. Only a bad dream. One to be put away and forgotten."

"Yeah," I said, sighing and leaning against him. "Only a dream."

**Tobias: The big truck was parked in the drive one day  
They wrapped us in hay and moved us away**

"Time to go," Jake said quietly, and we only nodded, holding each other.

It was so difficult for us all.

Cassie was sobbing, Marco was silent, and Jake was treating us all like porcelain, like we could break at any moment…thank God none of us did…

**  
A month later at the Hork-Bajir Colony:**

**Your room was no longer next door to mine  
This kid sister thing was old by that time**

"What's different?" I asked her urgently, begging her to talk to me.

But Rachel just waved me off with a "nothing" and she was gone to me again.

She never came to me in the night, and I was forbidden by her silence to go to her.

I smiled grimly. What happened to having it all?

**And oh how our dreams went bump in the night   
And the voices downstairs getting into a fight**

"They're fighting again," Marco said blankly. "_You_ know…"

Yeah. I knew.

Jake wanted to wait. Wanted to wait and plan and see what happens.

Rachel didn't.

I worried that if we didn't do something soon, she would do something, anything…by herself…

**  
And the next day a silence you could cut with a knife  
I feel like a blade at your throat**

"Why can't you just listen to them?" I asked carefully.

She screamed her answers at me: _They're_ wrong, there's a way, but they won't let her, _they're_ condemning us by their wait, there's a way, but they won't let her, _they're_ not seeing the truth, and there's a way…

Oh God, but there's a way…

**Twirl me around and twirl me about  
**

"I'm sorry," Rachel said to me, waking me up by her hugging and kissing me, our first contact since we'd been here. "I'm sorry."

**Let me grow to see and fall to the ground  
**

We made love in the silence of the Hork-Bajir night, and she cried when we collapsed, sobbing her raw heart out…

"Tell me we'll still have it all," she begged. "Tell me it will be okay."

**And when I look up at you looking down**

I can't," I said, and she soaked my bed with her tears.

"I know," She whispered hopelessly. "I know."

**Say it was only a dream**

She slipped out of my bed, barefoot, with just her long T-shirt on, leaving me under the hot covers.

"I love you," she said, and was gone.

**I watched your car back out in the dark**

I watched her leave and sank against the pillows, cursing…no one and everyone…

And I felt like I had failed her.

**  
I opened the door to your room down the hall  
I turned on the lights, and all that I saw**

"Where's Rachel?" Jake asked me dully the next morning, as if, even after last night, I was expected to know anything about her.

"In her room still I guess…"

"Go and get her."

**Was a bed and a desk and a couple of tacks  
No sign of someone who expects to be back**

"Oh God!" I said, falling to my knees.

Her room had been cleaned and organized, with her diaries and journals displayed out on the bed, her will on her desk, and a note to me on the pillow…

I opened it.

_Dear Tobias,_

_I'm sorry._

_But you won't see me again-_

**  
And it must have been one hell of a suitcase you packed**

She had left.

She believed there was a way to end it, to give us, to give herself and me, everything…

"I didn't need everything," I cried to the stillness.

And now all I needed was my hope and my faith…my love, my joy, my heart, my life…

All the things she had taken with her when she went off to fight against her suicide in the thralls of this war.

**Twirl me around and twirl me about**

"Tobias," Jake said, putting his hand on my shoulder as I stared into the fire.

The rest of the rest of the gang demorphed behind him…back from their mission…their _rescue_ mission.

"I know," I said.

**Let me grow to see and fall to the ground**

You showed me everything. Everything I didn't need, and everything I did, only found in you.

Was it worth it, Rachel, to save the world? Was it worth your pain? Will you help me to understand it?

Was it worth…worth me?

**And when I look up and you looking down**

I stared at the sky, the only place she left for me. And I thought of our last day together, when we lay on the grass and looked up at our what-ifs and blew fragile bubbles that popped…

**Say it was only a dream **

_Will you tell me it's only a false memory? Only a bad dream, one to be put away and forgotten?_

_Yes, Rachel. It was only a dream…_

**Say it was only a dream…**


End file.
